A New Season

I wanted to give a little update on what God has been doing in my life in the past month and a half, or basically since my third semester of seminary came to an end. One season has definitely come to a close and I have ventured into a new one. This season is much different from the last one - some wonderful surprises and sweet blessings. I cannot forget, however, that the old season was full of blessings, too; bitter-sweet blessings I like to call them. They were the kind of blessings that were sometimes painful to accept, yet proved to be some of the richest blessings God could give me. I'm talking about the things that strip you of your pride and cut you so deep to the heart that you are only left completely exposed and bare before a holy and righteous God, and are humbled that He would take you in through Christ and love you no matter how disgusting your heart is.

As some of you already know, I moved back in with my parents in November of 2009 from living in Charleston, SC, which has been a humbling experience in of itself. I came back to Raleigh for two reasons. One, I felt led by the Lord to go to Seminary and learn more about the Lord and to develop my musical and leadership skills. Two, I wanted to escape my current situation. You may draw the conclusion that I probably felt led to move to Raleigh because I wanted to get out of Charleston. That may be true, but in any case, the Lord brought me here and I don't believe it was an accident. I entered the spring semester of 2010 with simply a passion for Christ and worship music, but I honestly had no clue where God would take me. I had so many people ask me what I wanted to do with my seminary degree, and I would answer shyly with, "Well....something in music ministry?" I would stumble over my words, unsure of how to even answer that question. I felt the fear of man all over me when it came to that question, afraid of what people would think of my decisions. I remember one day in chapel the speaker was talking about just being faithful to Christ. Ever since that day, that has been kind of my mantra in life. Be faithful to Christ today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Enjoy Christ today. Make Him known today, because we may not have tomorrow on this earth. It has surely been a process of learning to be okay in my own skin and believing that God made me unique with special gifts and talents to be used for His glory.

It had only been a month into my first semester at Southeastern when I discovered that I had lesions on my vocal cords (this was March of 2010). Although this was devastating news to me at the time, I am so grateful now to the Lord for sending me to my voice teacher. He definitely used her to push me to go and get my vocal cords checked out. I went on vocal rest for about 5 months, and went through vocal rehabilitation and voice therapy for the rest of that year. The Lord continues to heal me daily and I have very little problems to this day. During that season, I felt so broken, useless, and I felt a sense of emptiness. I knew that my identity wasn't found in my voice, but you don't realize how much you value something until it's gone. I had to come to grips with the fact my voice might never be restored until eternity, and I had to learn to be okay with that, trusting that God is who He says He is. It may not seem like a big deal to those of you who don't sing, but think about something you wouldn't want to live without, and then think about losing that thing and never getting it back. It really tests your faith. God really used that trial to chisel away some of the impurities in my life and to mold me more into the image of Christ.

Through that whole experience, I not only learned a great deal about the Lord and myself, but I also learned to sing with better technique, and how to take better care of my voice. Over the past two semesters, the Lord has laid on my heart a desire to teach voice so that I can teach correct technique and hopefully encourage others to use their gifts to the glory of God. I wasn't sure how or when I would do it, but God has recently fulfilled that desire. I had someone contact me about giving voice lessons at a local performing arts academy. I accepted the position a few weeks ago and I will start in the fall. I am so excited about this opportunity, but I feel completely ill-equipped and inadequate. I know that God doesn't call us to tasks to just abandon us and leave us to figure everything out on our own. He often calls us to do things that we feel like we are not good at so that He can display more of His glory and power through us.

I am also thankful to the Lord for providing me with a full-time job. That was another surprise that dropped from the heavens. I had been waiting tables for three semesters in grad school, and it came to a point where I was just fed up. I kept crying out to God for direction and pleading with Him to please lead me somewhere else. I couldn't take it anymore. I was just tired of the job, tired of working my tail off and making sometimes less than minimum wage. I was just tired of it all. After I had fully surrendered my worries and anxieties to God, it was literally that same week that I had a woman contact me about taking care of her children. After prayerful consideration and seeking godly counsel, I felt completely confident that this is what the Lord wanted me to do. So, I took a step of faith and accepted the position.

As for continuing seminary in the fall, I haven't quite made a decision yet. I feel like I already have plenty on my plate, and adding classes to the mix might be too overwhelming. I'm excited about the next several months. I've been given the opportunity to serve as a worship leader for two women's retreats in the fall. I am just praying for strength and endurance and that I would faithfully serve Christ and His beautiful Bride.