Encountering God in a Cave

My walk with the Lord has been quite a challenge since I got home on Saturday. It's hard to fully explain my emotions and thoughts, but simply put, I've been feeling extremely sad, in a daze, and completely lost. I've been going, going, going since January and now everything has come to a standstill. I'm still trying to process my trip to Africa, but I've been bombarded with fears of the future and what I'm supposed to do with my life next. You are probably thinking, What selfish thoughts! I know, how can I be thinking so much of myself after all I saw and experienced in a different country? As much as I wish I could not think about life here, the reality is, this is my home right now and the Lord has work for me to do here. I believe God is at work in my heart and I trust that He is doing much more than what I can see right now. I cling to Philippians 1:6, which says, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

As I woke to the Holy Spirit's nudging early this morning, I got my coffee and opened to the Psalms. It was the only book in the Bible I could find strength to read. I'm so thankful that God gave us the Psalms. It's like they speak what's in your heart when you can't find the words to pray or when your mind is too exhausted and fogged to think straight. The Lord is so faithful. He knew I had no idea which chapter or what verses to read, so He led me to Psalm 142. It was literally the first passage I opened to. I was expecting to fumble through the pages quite a while before actually settling down.

"With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.

I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.

When my spirit faints within me, you know my way!

In the path where I walk they have hidden a trap for me.

Look to the right and see:

there is none who takes notice of me;

no refuge remains to me;

no one cares for my soul.

I cry to you, O Lord;

I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.

Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low!

Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me!

Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name!

The righteous will surround me,

for you will deal bountifully with me."

David wrote this psalm when he was trapped in a cave. He was in a place where nothing else could be a refuge to him. He could only look to the Lord to be his refuge - his hiding place, his comfort, his portion. One commentary from Charles Spurgeon's Treasury of David said, "Caves make good closets for prayer; their gloom and solitude are helpful to the exercise of devotion." David calls aloud to the Lord and "pours out his complaint before him." There is something so significant about David's audible cry to the Lord: to me, it uncovers his utter brokenness, helplessness, and desperation before God. I love that although his spirit faints within him, and the road ahead of him is blurry, he trusts that the Lord will guide him.

From a commentary on Psalm 142: (beautifully put)

I wish you much comfort from David's thought: When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. The Lord is not withdrawn to a great distance, but his eye is upon you. He sees you not with the indifference of a mere spectator; but he observes with attention, he knows, he consider's your path: yea, he appoints it, and every circumstance about it is under his direction. Your trouble began at the hour he saw best, it could not come before; and he has marked the degree of it to a hair's breadth, and its duration to a minute. He knows likewise how your spirit is affected; and such supplies of grace and strength, and in such seasons as he sees needful, he will afford in due season. So that when things appear darkest, you shall still be able to say, Though chastened, not killed. Therefore hope in God, for you shall yet praise him. -- John Newton (1725-1807), in "Cardiphonia."

Once again, the Word did not fail to bring my soul the encouragement I needed today. Although I have no idea what the next step is at this moment, I can rest in knowing that the Lord does. And even though we might find ourselves in a "cave" of solitude and gloom, loneliness and despair, God will meet us there if we just look and cry out to Him.

The Lord meets us where we are..."For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.....God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." ~Romans 5:6, 8